drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
