he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
two words...techno handjob
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize