Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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