I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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