just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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