my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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