i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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