i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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