I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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