the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
