I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
