Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
