I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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