So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
