all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
