When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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