Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
our cab driver is having phone sex.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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