I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You're a waste of cheezeits
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
