How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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