I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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