I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
