mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
