so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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