I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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