i don't like sucking hair
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
