I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
