You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Randomize
