people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
