doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize