Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
