There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm gonna have a badass scar
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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