I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
