listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
