How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
