I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
When are your genitals available?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
