dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
