I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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