im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
