He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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