They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
