My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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