i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Everyone says I win the strip club
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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