she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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