It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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