She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize