Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
i believe in u and ur pee
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
