Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
