Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
