all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
