New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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