i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
