btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
