Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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