at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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