i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize