I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
