high people should be assigned attendants
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
