I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
