He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
