im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
