Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
