I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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