6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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