Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
