I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize