I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
