This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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