I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Can I color on your dick again?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
