Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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