bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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