i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
