What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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