i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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