YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
